update

Signed-off-by: vsoch <[email protected]>

Author: vsoch

_posts/2024/2024-04-15-seeing-yourself.md

@@ -39,8 +39,11 @@ But being silly aside, these events have given me perspective about the fragilit
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-In medical terms they really do call it a difficult airway. You can read the sign to see what that means, which was posted in multiple places around my room and on the door. The only way to intubate me is optically, and while awake, which means a small camera diving into my lungs bringing down the tube while I watch on the screen and cooperate. The only way to do it is with my assistance, which means I need to be conscious. Side note - probably not many people have seen the insides of their bronchioles. They are very cool! The one case in college where there was an emergency and they had to intubate me (still breathing on my own thankfully) it took them three hours, and in that time a large piece of an essential organ was dying. I woke up (thankfully) a few days later completely intubated, and when they painfully removed all the tubes, they came with old blood and immense swelling in my mouth all the way down my throat. It was terrible. My point here is that many people take it for granted that if something happens to them where they might go unconscious, the standard medical practices will work. They won't work for me, and so I don't take risks that might lead to that outcome. I'm supposed to wear a medical bracelet or necklace but I don't. The last part of this story is the most beautiful memory of the entire thing, my Mom meeting my Dad at the airport.
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+In medical terms they really do call it a difficult airway. You can read the sign to see what that means, which was posted in multiple places around my room and on the door. My upper spine is fused, and has been that way for over half my life. It hugely changed my appearance and took away all mobility from left to right, which now I only have due to incremental, tiny movements of the other vertebrae down my spine. It brought me great sadness to lose the person that I had grown up seeing, because I used to feel beautiful and elegant, and after I was fused in a permanent position that removed a lot of the outline of my face. At the same time it was also a blessing because I learned to value myself based on qualities that were everything except for physical appearance.
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+But the long term implications for future emergencies were not great. The only way to intubate me is optically, and while awake, which means a small camera diving into my lungs bringing down the tube while I watch on the screen and cooperate. The only way to do it is with my assistance, which means I need to be conscious. Side note - probably not many people have seen the insides of their bronchioles
+. They are very cool! The one case in college where there was an emergency and they had to intubate me (still breathing on my own thankfully) it took them three hours, and in that time a large piece of an essential organ was dying. I woke up (thankfully) a few days later completely intubated, and when they painfully removed all the tubes, they came with old blood and immense swelling in my mouth all the way down my throat. It was terrible. My point here is that many people take it for granted that if something happens to them where they might go unconscious, the standard medical practices will work. They won't work for me, and so I don't take risks that might lead to that outcome. I'm supposed to wear a medical bracelet or necklace but I don't. The last part of this story is the most beautiful memory of the entire thing, my Mom meeting my Dad at the airport.
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